The Ring / Quitting Smoking 1

I once read in a very scientific book (When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris) that it is best to quit smoking along with some other major life change. The idea being that you can associate quitting with the other change and further distance yourself from it, like, "I smoked before I had children, but now that I have them I'm healthier and I'm not going to smoke," instead of just relying on your own willpower, which is famously ineffective against nicotine cravings.

My life change is graduating college. College Me smoked; Post-College Me won't. Post-College Me loves yoga and gymnastics and doesn't like having to wash her hair in the middle of the day because she smells like an ashtray; she cares about herself and her health and she doesn't like putting all of that in danger ten times a day.

My best friend is my partner in quitting. I told her about the theory and she agreed - but she graduated last year and her life is pretty stable now so what was her change going to be?

Very recently she bought herself a ring as a present. Without going into too much detail about her life because I'm sure she'll read this one day (hey girl!) I will say that the ring is symbolic for her. It's a celebration of various accomplishments she's made and is rightly very proud of.

The ring is her change. Pre-Ring, she smoked; Post-Ring, she won't. The ring is a daily reminder of her accomplishments and every time she looks at it she will remember why and when she decided to quit smoking.

In the past three years I have overcome an eating disorder and a host of other self-abusive behaviors. After a particularly intense hospitalization I got a tattoo, in white ink, of my patient number. For weeks I'd look at it every day and remind myself that if I didn't get it together quick, I was destined to always be a number - a patient in a hospital, or an inmate in jail. It helped. And now that it's faded (as it was intended to - I didn't plan on explaining it to strangers for the rest of my life) I only catch it every few days, and it always fills me with pride. I'm not a number. I'm not known by the student ID number I had to give every time I checked into the counseling center at school, or the insurance ID number I had to give every time I ended up in the hospital. I have a name, and people call me by it, instead of "The girl in Room 7" or "Dr. So-and-So's 3 o'clock appointment."

So here's to you, best friend: may your ring be the change you need to come closer to your ideal self, just like my tattoo was the beginning and graduation is (hopefully!) the last big step before the end.